☁ ☁ ☁

the last couple months

2011-10-27T09:57:00.001-04:00

sorry for being quiet around here. i've been preoccupied with a personal quest to achieve health. and i've been doing a lot of research for detoxing and transitioning into raw foods and vegan lifestyle. with that said, i may do an update on that real soon so stay tuned if your interested. i'll try and not make this blog about that. but i figured, since it is a personal blog for documenting my life, health is definitely a huge part of it. as some of you may remember, i've gotten sick really bad last winter, and i realize my immune system is degenerating. so that's the gist of the reason why i've decided to do this. so i'll probably just share my progress and some recipes i've found rather delicious along the way.

~*~

here are some pictures from september

across the bridge from where we live is staten island. i found out that they have this awesome park there and they opened up a chinese garden. in september, they had an Autumn Moon Festival so we checked it out.

apple picking!

2011-09-16T12:40:00.004-04:00

yay, it's september and fall is practically here! on wednesday, we were supposed to go to sesame place, but as it turns out, the park is only open on the weekends. so we decided to trek back up to northern new jersey to alstede farms and we ended up picking our own produce. i used to go apple picking every year with my own family but I haven't since I gave birth, so this is Sofia's first time. i forgot how much fun it is. i miss going with my family though, but with just us three it was the beginning of our own family tradition.

we got apples, peaches, eggplants & raspberries.

fuji apples

the animals there were so friendly.

picking raspberries

you could also cut your own flowers there

there was us and a few other people there, but the farm is so big that it felt like we were the only ones there. it was nice to be surrounded by all that greenery and it was so peaceful and beautiful, it was truly a perfect day.

old friends, new friends.

2011-09-06T13:47:00.005-04:00

i met my friend Qawi in 5th grade. we did a lot of things together for the rest of our grammar school years. we signed up for after school programs, hung out at the roller rink, chased after boys at the park (and got chased by some weird ones too), we slept over each others houses, joined gymnastics, played basketball, we even did cheerleading. i wouldn't have done any of those things if it wasn't for her. after 8th grade she moved to the suburbs and saw her once during high school. after that we lost touch. it wasn't until the day that i was moving to new jersey that we got reunited. 15 years since we last hung out and her presence still feels as if it were only just the other day since we last saw each other. i love that we can still hang out and still feel comfortable telling each other secrets. and i am even more grateful that she also has a daughter who is the same age as mine! it was such a wonderful thing to see Sofia and Chloe get along so well. they took upon each other like old friends. it was like seeing ourselves in the two of them. childhood buddies. there is nothing like it.

\\at the children's museum of manhattan//

\\at fao schwartz//

\\at central park//

"new friends put a smile on my face, i'm so very happy that you're visiting my place."

- yo gabba gabba

it is summer, still

2011-08-19T14:32:00.004-04:00

yes, it is still summer. and i am still posting pictures from july. even though i caught myself daydreaming about the winter holidays. blankets and warm drinks. Christmas lights on all night... and all day. wearing layers of clothes. tights and cardigans. hats. can you tell i am over summer? i am hoping we can finally see autumn in boston. and i'd like to find the perfect camping ground, without bears. as i don't want to be eaten alive by the mother and it's cubs.

my friend qawi and her daughter chloe just visited us this past week. i'll be posting about their visit soon.

2011-08-12T03:08:00.002-04:00

summers are for celebrating

2011-08-07T02:58:00.012-04:00

it's 3am.

i've been up editing sofia's and audrey's birthday party pics,
because long story short, cvs effed up my negatives.
i got them back full of scratches with some sticky substances
on some of them and folded in the most inconvenient places.
so i will have to make do with what i have.

we went to alex's 2nd birthday party at scholastic books today,
i know sofie and audrey had a lot of fun with all the games they had them doing!

today is also my dad's 66th birthday.

cheers to you, my daddy!

oh and lucy's too.

a couple other's birthdays too, i remember yous.

summers are for celebrating.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to us!

i've put the birthday banner back up.
so, here's to celebrating everyday!
don't forget, stay young at heart.

2011-08-02T14:22:00.003-04:00

we got two free muffins from babycakes because they were closing when i got there. lady was sort of a biz though. as i was eating it i said, "i really want to like this muffin and say it's good because everything tastes good when it's free... but its not."
and andrew goes, "yeah.. they're kind of dry."
then i was like, "waiiiiitt a minuuuute. i think they're vegan!" and confirmed that fact after reading the flier the woman gave me.
andrew practically spit the muffin out at the moment i said the v word. and complained the whole time saying he couldn't believe i gave him vegan muffins. he was so disgusted like i gave him dirt or something. hahahahahahah that was hilarious. i seriously don't know what he has against vegan food. the first time we tried angelica kitchen and he wouldn't stop saying how he needed to eat a huge burger and steak while eating our gluten-free, dairy-free, egg-free, animal-free meal.

anyway, i'm not a fan either, but it's not that big of a deal. i prefer my pastries moist, thank you very much.

2011-08-01T09:46:00.001-04:00

taken in the lower east side on the way to see the extraordinary ordinary life of jose gonzalez. which, obviously, would be sold out. people were standing around waiting for scalped tickets outside the rooftop films venue. we ended up watching tree of life instead, which was too long. and i didn't enjoy it much knowing that i was missing out on the extraordinary ordinary life of jose gonzalez, which is probably pretty extraordinary.

on another note. it's august now. the best month to start loving summer again, because soon it will be over and fall begins. summer can be pretty exhausting with all the fun heat. i used to hate summer, but when i think of winter, i realize i'd rather have the heat.

"not yo mama's craft fair"

2011-07-14T22:59:00.006-04:00

basically:
arts and crafts,
knick knacks,
food trucks,
live music
& people watching.

i really enjoyed this craft fair, though i wish there could have been more shade to sit under, or maybe some grass to sit on. but other than that it was nice to see what the local artists and craftsmen/women have created. i'm starting to really like jersey city. it's chill, but it got it's own spunk. i also really like the old industrial buildings in that area, which i'm pretty sure will soon turn into some converted lofts... it would be awesome if i could do some sort of urban anthropology project to document this.

but anyhow, i feel like my words are just reiterating the pictures i'm showing you.

i really wish i could take better street photos. it's so hard to just take a picture of some stranger standing in front of you. and is it just me, but does it feel like when you are holding a camera people notice you more? i get pretty intimidated to take pictures of some real characters worthy to be photographed. but i feel like i should ask for permission first, but then it would just feel unnatural to do so. i really don't know how to get past this. any suggestions or stories from your own experiences, good or bad? do share. i am curious.

2011-07-07T09:34:00.007-04:00

Happy 3rd Birthday, my big girl - who refuses to be called a baby or a little girl.
"Only big girl." She corrects me every time to remind me how fast life goes by.

This morning her dad said to her,
"Happy birthday Sofia! What do you want to do today?"
Sofia goes, "I want to go to my party!"
"But your party isn't 'til Saturday.."
So she says, "I want to go to Saturday!"

She's developed quit a clever logic and also a sense of humor.
The other night I was worried that the milk I gave her might have gone bad,
so I asked her, "Does the milk taste funny?"
She takes the bottle out of her mouth looks at me and says,
"mommy, it tastes funnnyyyy..." and starts giggling.
"mommy, it doesn't taste funny! it tastes... crazyyy! hahahahaha.."
We had a good laugh at that. Such a funny girl...
or how she says it, "pho-nee."

So we're off to Sesame Street Place today!

weeeeee!!!!

2011-07-03T20:08:00.005-04:00

haven't been feeling well all weekend and have been sort of stuck at home. it started friday after lunch, i had a massive headache that wouldn't go away and i left work early because of it. that night i had chills in my bones, the feverish kind. this happened a few times before and i've since learned to manage it. you have to really wrap yourself up so that you can sweat the cold out of your body. that helps a lot. unfortunately, it's not so easy to call in sick when you have a child. so even when your sick, you still have to attend their needs. i finally feel like i have time for myself, which i really need. more and more lately i realize how much i prefer being alone. i don't like chaos, and anything that is out of control. it is exhausting to me. don't get me wrong, i also do not like things to be perfect.. that just weirds me out. i appreciate and find beauty in the imperfect, i just don't like loud and crazy and belligerence. i've also been feeling weird vibes. like something isn't right. and i worry about such things...

anyhow, these pictures are completely unrelated to this post, but they are making me happy at the moment. they were shot throughout the month of may/june. it is taking me a while to complete a roll of film these days, which i now find to be more satisfying.

the first picture was shot one morning at home before i left for work.
the second one is from a bakery in lower east side on our way to a street fest. this was the bakery i went to the first time i visited new york in 2007.
and the third one is from inside a mcdonald's in coney island.

ps. carla morrison saved me today

&amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://carlamorrisonmusica.bandcamp.com/album/jugando-en-serio"&amp;amp;amp;gt;Jugando En Serio by Carla Morrison&amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;gt;

brooklyn flea

2011-06-26T18:55:00.007-04:00

i must say i was sooo excited to be able to finally go to the brooklyn flea. there were so many great things to look at, mostly vintage stuff. but yeah, it is a bit pricey. i didn't buy anything. well i almost did. i came back to the vendor in the third picture and almost bought a vintage crate. just as i was about to pick it up, two girls were also about to and they both went, "oh!"so i was like, "oh....". so yeah, i didn't end up buying it. which i'm glad anyway, because it was $30. (and that's considered "not bad.") anyhow, it was nice to be able to scope it out. next time i'll know what i'll be on the look out for. on another note, the mexican food vendors seem to be the most popular, since (authentic) mexican restaurants are hard to come by. i bought an elote, which everyone was calling corn. if you don't know what that is, it's corn on the cob with mayo, parmesan cheese, butter and chili powder if you like. i usually tell the elote cart guys in chicago, "todo todo on mine por favor, senor". and he hooks me up with the whole shebang. but here, they skimp on that stuff, unfortunately. sigh.

in the end we went home satisfied having bought a couple of chairs and a side table from a thrift shop around the corner.

west village, nyc

2011-06-11T10:54:00.001-04:00

Rirkrit Tiravanija's exhibit – ‘FEAR EATS THE SOUL’

2011-06-10T20:34:00.004-04:00

may 12, andrew's birthday
on our way back home

world trade center
PATH station

sometimes,
when i take this route,
i think that some of the other commuters walking around are really ghosts,
but they don't know it. and i think that i might just be in purgatory.

to all the victims of 9/11,
may your souls rest in peace.

sunday

2011-06-07T21:24:00.003-04:00

mother's day.

2011-06-06T10:34:00.002-04:00

Random Taco Bell drive-thru run with the kiddo back in April. Yup, one of those days...

blackbird, fly

2011-05-29T11:36:00.010-04:00

"... if you find me," said the little bunny, "I will be a bird and fly away from you."

"If you become a bird and fly away from me," said her mother,
"I will be a tree that you come home to."

- the runaway bunny

for mother's day, andrew surprised me with the blackbird, fly. it's a toy twin reflex camera which uses 35mm film and it allows you shoot in normal 35mm, square format, as well as large format. in this case, since its 35mm film it will shoot over the sprockets. that's what i shot with the photos above. but obviously no sprockets as i had come to find how difficult it is to scan them in. i'm hoping to stop by the lomography store next week and pick up a digatal liza. as a side note, i also found a natura classica at the lomo store yesterday! it was such a surprise because i thought they only sell that in a japan. but, much to my dismay, it is too expensive.

anyhow this is my first roll from the blackbird, fly camera. it's very similar to the lomo, but the actual taking of the picture is a whole different experience. i love looking through the viewfinder. sofia loves it too. we went for a walk with it a couple of weeks ago and i let her hold it. here's one from her point of view:

so, it feels like i haven't updated this thing in a while. i guess i've been sort of occupied with other things. and taking pictures with the phone in all its instant gratification has also been preoccupying me. although naturally, it's still not the same.

so oddly enough, i decided to develop the two rolls i've managed to accumulate this past couple of months. turns out one is from the bbf and the other one from the lomo. so i guess i may as well post these pics now too, since i feel like its been such a while ago. but really it isn't.

(sofia is asleep right now, knocked out from the day at the beach. thankfully, it's a holiday tomorrow so i might as well make a holiday out of this post. sort off. i'm just assuming that this will probably be a really long post since i started writing this 8 hours ago... before we went to the beach.)

actually now that i'm looking at these pics, some of them are from winter. and i just decided that i'll probably upload the lomo pics after i finish writing this post. since it's making me look back too far into the past (ei: last month).

ok, i lied. i'm feeling tired now and i want to watch a movie. so maybe i'll just make a separate post for that.

bye, for now.

mood indigo

2011-05-13T12:51:00.013-04:00

it was andrew's birthday yesterday.
happy birthday baby dad.
last night: park slope, brooklyn
saw dale earnhardt jr. jr.

i wish i could live like this everyday.
until then, i'll live music to music.

tuesday tunes: sandro perri - "family tree"

2011-05-10T12:25:00.003-04:00

happy mamas day!

2011-05-08T21:15:00.006-04:00

we didn't make any plans for today. then we had all kinds of plans, but we didn't even end up doing what we planned...

this morning when sofia got up from bed, she tells me, "mommy i'll be back. i have a surprise for you. paper and drawing." she then went to the living room, but completely forgot about it. it was a sweet gesture though and that was enough. i don't think she had any idea what mothers day is all about, but i'm sure she had intuited something special about today. she's seriously intuitive like that. when she was only 8 months old and meeting her new jersey family for the first time, she didn't cry. but if it was a person who was not family, she would immediately cry. she's really good with the vibes.

so today adrienne, baby leila and audrey spent the day with us. we initially planned to have a picnic. couldn't decide what to eat though. then decided it was too hot. so i said, let's go to the beach, half joking. then adrienne suggested coney island! so here we are driving towards coney island and thought, man, that's kind of far. so we switched it up to the aquarium instead. turns out the aquarium is located in coney island. so we continued on our merry way. then, sofia said her stomach was hurting, so we decide to take the first exit we see. we didn't know where to find a bathroom though and we kept seeing signs to the staten island zoo. so we ended up at the zoo.

sorry for the tmi. i just thought it was kind of funny. the zoo turned out to be pretty awesome. i saw a lot of animals i haven't seen before, most especially a llama! and they were sooo adorable. there were peacocks just roaming about and we got to feed donkeys, goats, sheep, ponies and the llamas. even though the zoo was small and didn't have lions and bears and tigers, i really liked that people were allowed to interact with most of the animals there.

oh, hello may day

2011-05-03T13:04:00.008-04:00

my mind is like an orchard
clustered in frozen portraits
blossoms that blooms so fine
just to drop from the vine
i've seen it all tonight.

spring always looks so nice with all the blooming flowers and greens and warmth of the sunshine.
i wish it felt as good as it looks. but lately i've just been feeling so weary and tired and can't do much but watch movies. i was under the impression that spring was supposed to give you that jolt of energy and make you feel rejuvenated, all young and fresh like the flowers. so while wondering what was wrong with me, i decided to look up spring fever. lo and behold, there it is "frühjahrsmüdigkeit". so funny, because i recognized this word from sewon's recent blog entry. it is a german word that is translated to something like "spring tiredness". my joints have been aching as well as my hips, and i decided to go to yoga with adrienne last night. it actually felt good despite looking pretty ridiculous trying my best to balance on one foot.

this morning was really nice. the sun was out, the sky was blue with white fluffy clouds. a man was mowing the lawn and the cool breeze smelled of fresh cut grass. even though it sounds like such a cliche spring day, it made me feel so good.

so i went and bought myself the gift of an iphone and i was going to chalk it up to spring fever... but whatever, i have made so much justification for this splurge but in the end i am happy that i did. all of these images were taken with it and i have been so addicted to the instagram app, that i have not picked up a real camera for a month. i guess i won't be purchasing a new digital camera.

subliminal

2011-04-20T10:35:00.011-04:00

It has been a while since my last real update. I have been sick for what feels like three months now. On and off every 2-3 weeks and even during my trip to Chicago. I haven't fully recovered, but today I just felt the need to write something down, despite feeling like my head is full of clouds. And such is my style, I write when I am slightly delirious and only then can I actually form words to purge these thoughts.

These images weren't intentional. I took these pictures with my mind set on documenting how things are now over there to update my memory bank. And well, memories are a funny thing. It is always interesting for me to come back home, or to any familiar place, only to find that though things are different certain feelings remain the same.

Then you realize, memories come back in the form of what they have grown to become. And you meet them again and again and again, spiraling into a rabbit hole you try to avoid falling into. But I digress..

Though I arrive thinking I have new eyes to see with, there is always a greater gravitational pull (perhaps from my mother's couch) that makes me want to just lay there with my eyes closed while bathing in the sunlight. Possibly wishing I was someplace else and nevertheless, comforted all at once. But that is all I have to say about that.

So I have come to accept and love how the images turned out. I believe it was meant to come out distorted or abstracted because truthfully, it comes closest to conveying what my memories and thoughts are made of (with the exception of the last two photographs).

Finally, I will just leave you with this quote, which may or may not further explain/distort what I am trying to say:

"We comfort ourselves by reliving memories of protection. Something closed must retain our memories, while leaving them their original value as images. Memories of the outside world will never have the same tonality as those of home and, by recalling these memories, we add to our store of dreams; we are never real historians, but always near poets, and our emotion is perhaps nothing but an expression of a poetry that was lost."
— Gaston Bachelard (The Poetics of Space)

~*~

ps.
100dBs finally dropped a mix today!!
40 minutes to freedom

click the image ^ and listen.

let's just say I'm dancing in my seat at work right now.

remnants of sheffield house

2011-04-09T09:33:00.006-04:00

There was something about this place that felt so peaceful, specially during the day. It reminded me something from my childhood.

There were windows in all the rooms which allowed for beautiful sunlight to come streaming in from all sides of the flat, which also made it feel warm and cozy. I've only been there a few times and these photos were from the day Adrienne moved out.

There was a book next to Leila's crib called, "Undead" by John Russo. I read a few pages while I was there and came across a quote which I found so poignant at that time. I didn't have a pen or paper on me so I decided to e-mail it to myself. Mind you this was back in January and I completely forgot about that quote. I didn't get the e-mail until a couple weeks ago which was odd. Here's the quote:

"Why does life seem so ugly and beautiful and sad and important while you are living it, and so trivial when it is over?

Life is a constant endless creation of graves."

back from chicago.

2011-04-04T02:01:00.004-04:00

the rabbit club

2011-03-23T16:14:00.009-04:00

after the tonight show, we headed back to the west village for some gelatos on a stick. then we moseyed over to the old rabbit club for a night of well mannered frivolity. this bar was a speakeasy back in the day. it is tiny and dark and you wouldn't have known it was there unless you already knew it was there.

needless to say, what happens in the rabbit hole, stays in the rabbit hole..

this about wraps up k + a ny trip. i wish we could do this more often despite the fact i got extremely sick with my thyroids all swollen the day after this. but it was so damn worth it.

i'm glad it took me this long to finish blogging about their vacation, because in 3 days i'm flying back to chicago with sofia for a week! the gallivanting shall continue, chicago style.

see you on the other side "my 'neakers."

2011-03-20T00:32:00.004-04:00

scene: CHELSEA

west elm

angel st. thrift shop

▲ housing works

☞ antique shop

halcyon (DUMBO)

rebel, rebel records (west village)

the afternoon was spent on 17th st. thrifting, antiquing, record shopping & more record shopping. i convinced the ladies that we must go to MOMA afterwards and they agreed. on the way there we stopped to get coffee around 53rd st. and i realized we were right across from the ed sullivan theater. um, hello deli?! what a perfect time to get on the list for standby tickets to see dave letterman. luckily time and the weather was on our side and we were able to get on the list. killed about a couple hours and ate at empanada mama. which by the way, has some really good plantains with guacamole and tostones, but i was unimpressed by their empanadas. went back to the theater and we were given tickets! robin williams was the guest and charlie sheen was the on going butt of their jokes. oh yes, winning!

2011-03-19T02:13:00.002-04:00

with no plans in mind, we wandered the deserted streets.

monday morning

2011-03-19T00:07:00.007-04:00

we woke up a bit late that rainy monday morning. i ended up calling in sick from work and i'm glad i did. started the day off with some pancakes at stacks in hoboken. breakfast is a privilege specially on a weekday while everyone else is at work, the streets are empty and the restaurants have but only a handful of customers.

the city guide, act II

2011-03-16T23:23:00.002-04:00

DUMBO scene

places to check out:

powerHouse Arena - a nice spacious bookstore with a great selection of books

halcyon - record shop with decently priced records.

reRun theater - this is an awesome theater. first of all, they only play independent films and its only $5. second of all, there is a bar in there and you can drink before the movie starts. and third: mom & pop's corn. oh my goodness!

& reBar - the restaurant in front of the reRun theater.

2011-03-10T09:56:00.007-05:00

my thoughts go out to Japan, Hawaii and the Philippines...

be safe J.

the city guide

2011-03-07T00:03:00.019-05:00

k + a

I sort of lost momentum from blogging and I have slowed down on taking pictures for reasons other than the weather. Luckily my friends came over and sort of gotten me out of this rut. It seems like such a long time ago since Karen + Alison were here when it has only been a week. They only stayed for four days, but we did so much not even my thyroids could handle it. Having them here was really nice and I got to finally do things in the city I normally wouldn't get to do. So, it was a vacation for me as well. I miss these gals already.

scene 1
city bakery

lunch at city bakery. i love this place because everything is so fresh.
all their ingredients come from the union square farmer's market.
the chocolate chip cookies are warm and chewy and gets crispy as it cools.
but, this place can be pretty crowded, especially during the weekends.
i didn't realize this as i usually going during the week.

scene 2
ceres gallery

we saw Masayo Nishimura's exhibit
Recollections: From New York to Tokyo
Japanese photographer who photographed NYC subways pre-9/11
and then the Tokyo subway scenes.

they've got a bunch of exhibits going on here as well and it is FREE.

scene 3
then we walked across town toward Les Halles for dinner.
where it was loud and crowded and the food was decent.
we were seated close to the kitchen,
and we caught a glimpse of the new chef, Carlos Llaguno.
i really liked the feel of this restaurant. it feels old world and homey.
and the fact that Anthony Bourdain has graced this place with his presence,
it's kind of holy to me.

scene 4
ACE hotel lobby becomes a bar at night.
the cocktails are overpriced
and their photobooth malfunctions.
but their employees are well dressed.
& the stumptown coffee roasters are some fine looking men.

scene 5
we didn't stay there for long and headed off to Barcade,
where some serious tetris playin,
craft beer drinkin and whiskey shots went down.

(image by k.)

scene 6
i want to say i forgot what happened after this,
but trying to get to the happy ending lounge in the les
got us all sobered up. and we somehow ended up in congee village.

but the night did not end with congee much to my dismay,
instead with some doners.

more to come...

2011-03-03T14:38:00.002-05:00

fish tacos from Fast Boy on Vimeo.

this is why i love ezra:

he builds bikes
he taught dance
he shoots amazing photos
he cooks delicious food
(and he now makes these awesome cooking videos!!!)
he can beat cancer in the ass
and he is doing it again.
is there anything this beautiful man can not do?!

he's been inspiring me for so many years, even before he found out about the cancer.
follow him: teaching cancer to cry

2011-02-16T16:30:00.004-05:00

"pinakbet"
(sauteed squash w/ shrimp paste)

heat 3 tbsp cooking oil
...
add + sautee:
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 onion, sliced
2 pieces large tomato, sliced

then add:
3 tbsp shrimp paste
1/4 lb pork, thinly sliced
cook til brown on all sides

add
1 cup water 1/4 lb squash, chopped into 2x1 inch cubes
1 large egg plant, chopped (add this a little later after the squash)
boil & simmer til it's soft

then add the rest:
some okra
some string/green beans

salt and pepper

serve over white jasmine rice

2011-02-10T19:51:00.010-05:00

these are pictures i took last year. i'm posting them to make up for the lack of pictures i've taken this winter and to remind myself of the little things i love about new york: it's character and quirks. i realize, as i looked through my photo stream, how little i've captured of this. maybe this is a good reminder that my mission here is not over.

i woke up today feeling a sense of lightness i haven't felt in so long. i actually started listening to music again as i commuted to work and i forgot how good it feels when the soundtrack to your life is playing in your ears and you watch it unfold before your eyes. oh, and the sun! i felt the sun on my skin and it felt so good. there was a small patch of sunlight on the sidewalk streaming from behind the buildings and i sure did bask in it.

so, i guess i should tell you, but i hope i don't jinx myself if i do... but i have an interview tomorrow... and i'm real excited about it. for reasons i'll mention if and when i actually do get the job. but for now, i just want to say i haven't felt this happy in a while. it definitely explains the lightness i felt today. all the built up tension on my neck was gone. i even said "hey" (accidentally since i was in such a good mood this morning) to the coworker who i stopped talking to and awkward it was.

also lola v. is back from the Philippines, which all of us are so grateful for. sofia, on the other hand, was just thrilled. when she first saw lola she just stood there staring at her, not moving but she had a huge grin on her face. she's a very shy kid, so if she doesn't recognize you she would probably freeze and hide behind something. she hadn't seen lola since august and i'm sure part of her forgot about her a little bit, but as soon as she saw her and felt her presence she knew. the rest of the night she followed lola v around and hugged her and tugged at her leg. she wouldn't even come to me when i called her and instead she went straight to lola! little punk..

so, i have a huge calendar at work whose days i cross off with a big X. my coworker asked me why i did that, and i explained that it's what prisoners do when they are doing time. she found that rather disturbing and said that something was wrong with me and that i'm in big trouble. hah! but its true. i've felt that way since the first week when i found out what i got myself into. anyhow, i am impressed with myself that i actually have worked there for over a year. it's because a) i'm a masochist. b) i have this need to put myself in "challenging" situations to prove to myself that i can do anything. c) i can't find any other job. d) all of the above.

it is also clear that i am not the only one impressed by how long i've lasted working here. random people who work in other departments still come up to me to tell me how surprised they are that i am still here, or to congratulate me on how long i've lasted. this is no joke.

the past couple of weeks have been nonstop research on possible career paths to pursue. still haven't decided. my whole life thus far has been this endless pursuit to finding something, but today something in me knew that i am exactly where i need to be.

snowed in

2011-02-06T04:21:00.007-05:00

for the past so many winters, i find myself saying, "this is the winter of discontent." then the following year, "this is the winter of discontent." and the following year, "no, this is the winter of discontent." and finally this year, "this is definitely the winter of discontent."

i would really like this post not to be about venting and i will try very hard for it not to be. so bare with me.

so much has happened just in the month of january and i'd like for it to stay in january. it is now february.

these have been the most eventful and yet the least inspiring days.

most of which i will blame on the snow, how it has made my commuting life a living hell and used up all my sick days. now that i am really sick, i have to go to work.

i've also been quite ambivalent about nyc and have come to a conclusion that everyone here is miserable. and that the saying, "if you can make it in ny, you can make it anywhere" is true, because ny is probably the worse place to live in. which really sucks, because i really did fall in love with this city and i really want to stay in love with it. perhaps its another one of those relationships that i just can't commit to for the long haul. another love/hate relationship.

the overarching reasons that's causing me to dislike nyc:
1. commuting is rather difficult when you live on the other side of the hudson river and having to cross that river everyday just to get to manhattan. also, nj transit shuts down on certain inclement weather and prevents me from going to work. which is really a blessing in disguise.
2. i am unhappy at my job. certain events have occured that has made me even more uncomfortable there. let's just say i have put up with so much bullcrap already and things are only getting worse.
3. i have no social life
4. "new jerk city" = people here are rude. which is probably the reason for #3 and its probably because they are miserable.
5. maybe i am just too sensitive. ny is not for the faint of heart and i'm just not that kind of person who would argue with random strangers. though lately i find myself in certain situations that's put me on the brink of the the tipping point.

i think these are pretty legit reasons that are making me reconsider moving back to chicago. but then when i think about winter in general, i would much prefer to live in the west coast.

i've been really trying to love ny again, the ny i see in movies. i've been watching a lot of new york city movies/tv shows lately to try and make me fall in love again. mostly woody allen films, meg ryan movies, seinfeld and 3o rock.

if you know any other good ones that might help hold me over til spring, i would greatly appreciate it.

2011-01-30T17:06:00.002-05:00

going a bit crazy around here...

2011-01-28T17:15:00.002-05:00

the time has come
everything is happening
when push comes to shove...
it's meant to be
it happens for a reason.

and for so many good reasons.

Manhattan

2011-01-24T14:51:00.002-05:00

Chapter One:
‘He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion’ – er, no, make that: he – ‘He romanticized it all out of proportion.’ – Yes. – ‘To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin.’ – Er, tsch, no, missed out something. –

Chapter One:
He was too romantic about Manhattan, as he was about everything else. He thrived on the hustle bustle of the crowds and the traffic. To him, New York meant beautiful women and street-smart guys who seemed to know all the angles.’ – No, no, corny, too corny for a man of my taste. Can we … can we try and make it more profound? –

Chapter One:
He adored New York City. To him, it was a metaphor for the decay of contemporary culture. The same lack of individual integrity that caused so many people to take the easy way out was rapidly turning the town of his dreams into …’ – no, that’s a little bit too preachy. I mean, you know, let’s face it, I want to sell some books here.

Chapter One:
He adored New York City, although to him it was a metaphor for the decay of contemporary culture. How hard it was to exist in a society desensitized by drugs, loud music, television, crime, garbage’ – Too angry. I don’t want to be angry. –

Chapter One: He was as tough and romantic as the city he loved. Behind his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat.’ – I love this. – ‘New York was his town, and it always would be…’

Before Sunset

2011-01-19T16:48:00.001-05:00

Jesse: “What do you think were the chances of us ever meeting again?”

Céline: “After that December? I’d say almost zero. But we’re not real, anyway, right? We’re just, uh, characters in that old lady’s dream. She’s on her deathbed fantasizing about her youth… so of course… we had to meet again.”

2011-01-17T16:05:00.010-05:00

i think i'm coming to terms with a messy home, i think. [looks around] okay, i'm not. but one can only do so much in a day.

lately i've been feeling restless. my ankle, which i sprained 4 years ago, still aches. as i lay awake in bed at 4am i make plans on sleeping in and then doing some stretches when i wake up. neither of these happen of course. i hate making plans because it seems 90% of the time, they never occur.

i would like to move to another apartment, one that has tall ceilings and large windows, but the inconveniences of actually moving is discouraging.

pastimes are nice to have if you actually have time to pass.

i do not enjoy my job and i still have "dreams" (no longer plans) of living in another country.

i am going to chicago in march. i kept thinking about crispy pad see ewe last night and i miss sticky rice. i once called my obsession with this restaurant a love affair. i wonder if people who love opart thai in the opposite direction have discovered this gem yet. i hope not. i also miss argyle.

karen and allison are coming in february. i can't wait to actually do things in nyc with other people. hopefully, we can dance floors.

i hope the weather gets better. i have a lot of hope in this as that it is a tiny bit light out at 5pm. cross my fingers.

me and sofia made a vlog. i love watching her watch herself. she is so tickled by it, even for the nth time.

new year's eve + lola lou's 50th

2011-01-13T14:56:00.004-05:00

the new year came in a whirlwind
& i'm still holding on to my hat.

christmas morning

2011-01-08T20:45:00.001-05:00

30 rock

2011-01-08T19:59:00.007-05:00

even though i saw these in person to get in the spirit of christmas,
i was still definitely missing my friends and family.
i miss the kids the most and singing karaoke in lynn's basement.
oh and eating all those foods and waiting til midnight to open gifts.
we skyped with my family in chicago as soon as we got home from the city.
i told them i wanted to be there when they opened presents.
so in honor of eastern time, they opened gifts at 11pm central time.

<3>

shops

2011-01-08T19:56:00.002-05:00

christmas eve

2011-01-08T19:47:00.001-05:00

bryant park

morning before christmas

2011-01-08T19:30:00.002-05:00

we had the day off christmas eve, so i made it a point to take sofia to bryant park and the rockefeller tree. it was well worth it.

2011-01-06T08:48:00.006-05:00

"bistek" (beef steak)

i was around 10 years old when i discovered how much i really love this dish. i remember only taking a little bit of rice and putting too much meat on accident. this meant that the ratio of rice:meat was uneven. after eating all the rice there was plenty of meat on my plate still, so i got more rice. but then i took too much rice and so i had to get more meat on my plate. this might have happened a couple more times, but not on accident...

this is a simple dish.
marinate thin slices of steak/beef tenderloin
in 1/4 cup soy sauce, 4tbs lemon juice/kalamansi/vinegar,
minced garlic & freshly ground pepper
30 mins - overnight
heat 2tbs oil in large pan and fry beef
then add the marinade and boil. let simmer.
cut 1 large red onion into rings and add on top of beef.
you can even fry the rings in a separate pan if you want it a bit crispy

alternatively, andrew suggested that we could marinate the beef and broil it. duh, why didn't i think of this. i decided to create a bed of onions and thyme for the meat. pre-heat broiler at 350. baste the meat or just add the marinade i there too. cook for 30 mins- 1 hour depending on how thick you cut the meat. i was too lazy to cut it so i just left it whole. it took about 1 hour. serve with steamed jasmine rice.

"imbotido" - filipino meatloaf
i actually didn't make this, it was from a restaurant.
the meatloaf is rolled in foil and steamed for 1 hour.
usually this is made in large batched.
so you freeze some and fry it when ready to eat.
you can even eat it for breakfast with fried egg and rice.

bokchoy stir fry, imbotido and polenta
i made polenta for the first time using this recipe.
except i didn't bother frying it or adding tomato sauce.
i'll try that next time.

butternut squash soup + harvest salad

2011-01-02T20:53:00.005-05:00

so for new years, i'm making it a goal to cook more. not only to save money, but also to learn how to cook all the filipino foods my mom cooked. i realize during the winter time as well as lately, that i've been craving filipino food. i guess because since its a bit heavy, sometimes soupy, and salty it's perfect for the cold winter days. plus it reminds me of my moms home cooking, and thats always comforting. i'm going to start keeping a record of the recipes since my mom only teaches me to eyeball it. so it takes a few research and tries to get it exactly how i remember them.

the following recipe is not filipino and it is also out of season. this meal is clearly meant for fall. so forgive me. but i'm sure you can eat it whenever you feel like it.

butternut squash soup

(adapted from the smitten kitchen)

melt 1/2 stick butter in large pot over medium heat

+ 1 large onion, finely chopped & 4 large garlic cloves, chopped

sautee til tender

add the following ingredients

+ 3 14 1/2-ounce cans low-salt chicken broth

+ 4 cups 1-inch pieces peeled butternut squash (about 1 1/2 pounds)

+ 4 cups 1-inch pieces peeled potatoes (about 1 1/2 pounds)* optional

+ 1 1/4 teaspoons minced fresh thyme

+ 1 1/4 teaspoons minced fresh sage

+ 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin

+ 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

boil and reduce to simmer until squash and potatoes are tender.

if you have a handheld blender you can go ahead and just blend in the pot.

if not, work in batches and transfer into the blender. and return to pot.

stir in 1/8 cup whipping cream and return to simmer.

add kosher salt & freshly ground pepper

croutons

preheat broiler

use 2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) to butter day old slices of baguettes

broil til golden and turn it over

sprinkle
1 cup grated Gruyere cheese
1 teaspoon minced fresh thyme
1 teaspoon minced fresh sage

salt & pepper

broil til cheese melts

ladle soup into bowls and add croutons

harvest salad

large bag of greens

1 pear or apple

1/2 cup dried cherries/cran

4oz crumbled feta/gorgonzola

2oz crumbled pecans/walnuts

raspberry vinaigrette

+ moonlight mile ost

music should play while you cook. it adds flavor ;)

it's a new day + superstitions.

2011-01-01T18:15:00.016-05:00

all i've been hearing is bad news lately and one of my co-workers had brought up that she was looking into superstitions. i'm still not quite sure how to feel about them. it just seem silly to seriously believe in that. though i have to admit, i dabble with feng shui and the daily horoscopes every once in a while. i mean, its really just like checking the weather, no? oh who knows. but lately, when things go wrong, we seem to turn to these superstitions for hope. kind of like religion to some extent, but less committed.

anyway the two i remember growing up is wearing something with polka dots for fortune/money/some sort of luck. and the other is jumping when the clock strikes 12 so you'll grow taller. i don't do the jumping one anymore as i don't really care if i'm short or tall like i did when i was 10. but if i could remember, i'd wear an article of clothing that was polkadot if it were convenient. whether it worked or not i didn't pay much attention. but i've run into some bad luck like every other person. and like some people i try to see the good in the bad and so therefore i wouldn't really think it bad. and thus i think i'm fortunate. but that's because my last name, which is dichoso, means "fortunate" in spanish. now i'm not spanish at all, i'm filipino. but i'm pretty sure there's some spanish down the line. i haven't technically and neither am i planning on confirming this. this is as far as i'm actually going to think about it. but i'm just going to toss the idea out there.. and i digress.

so for new years eve we went to his mom's house to also celebrate her golden birthday. the big 50! and wow. i must say, she is superhero mom. and i am completely grateful for what an awesome human being she is. she really does put things into perspective.
but anyhow back to superstitions.
here are the one's i've observed.
bullet points if you will...

pancit - filipino noodle dish for longevity. which is also a dish served in every birthday. spaghetti works too. as long as its a long noodle.
rice/coins in a dish. so you won't go hungry and for good luck
fruits - positive feelings, happiness, companionship
knocking on wood - to prevent something bad spoken of from happening
jangle coins in hand when clock strikes 12 - for good luck
polka dots - sign of money
leaving coins in the windows new years eve + day of - for good luck
opening windows - for prosperity
broken dish/glass/mirror - bad omen
spoon / fork dropping - someone will arrive. spoon = woman, fork = man

i feel somewhat ridiculous, but there is also something in me that wants to believe for the sake of having hope in something. and i do somewhat follow feng shui because it gives meaning to structure. ie: i don't like the head of my bed facing the door because something about bad energy going straight to you. so with that said, i do believe in energy. good or bad. and i guess some people would call those spirits. but i don't like personifying these things. as i think human beings can be a lot more dangerous and cause a lot more damage and pain in others. sometimes though i can sense different vibes from people. and i've since learned which people bring positive energy or negative energy into my life. which is also another reason why its hard for me to be in social situations, make new friends, or have anxieties around certain people. but enough about that.

another superstitious thing i sort of believe in is that whatever you are doing or feeling the day of new years is what the rest of the year will be like. which is why i was trying to write this entry yesterday so i could blog more often. but now, i'll just have to make a conscious effort to do so.

i really have no point in writing this. just a way for me to get my thoughts out about it.
hopefully 2011 will have good things coming our way.

ok enough words.
more pictures to come!

2010-12-31T11:00:00.005-05:00

it's the end of another year,
the time when everyone gets all reflective about their
lives, relationships, personal accomplishments.
i know quiet a few people who are struggling, including myself.
some more than others, but really, it's all relative.
and i always remind myself that everyone, everyone, everyone is fighting a hard battle.

i'm personally thankful to have completed a whole year here in new jersey.
to have made it through a whole year at work.
which caused me so much distress and pain and humiliation.
but i survived. i almost quit half way. exactly 6 months into it.
turned in my resignation letter, got an interview in another department and all.
but i have proven to be a valuable part of the organization, and mountains were moved for me to stay.
and so i did. and things are better.
its not the best job or the easiest, but at least i can breathe.

i have survived not just the work itself, but the effort it takes to even get there.
which is a battle all on its own.
i think charles bukowski best writes about this in this poem:

gamblers all

sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think,
I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside
remembering all the times you've felt that way, and
you walk to the bathroom, do your toilet, see that face
in the mirror, oh my oh my oh my, but you comb your hair anyway,
get into your street clothes, feed the cats, fetch the
newspaper of horror, place it on the coffee table, kiss your
wife goodbye, and then you are backing the car out into life itself,
like millions of others you enter the arena once more.

you are on the freeway threading through traffic now,
moving both towards something and towards nothing at all as you punch
the radio on and get Mozart, which is something, and you will somehow
get through the slow days and the busy days and the dull
days and the hateful days and the rare days, all both so delightful
and so disappointing because
we are all so alike and so different.

you find the turn-off, drive through the most dangerous
part of town, feel momentarily wonderful as Mozart works
his way into your brain and slides down along your bones and
out through your shoes.

it's been a tough fight worth fighting
as we all drive along
betting on another day.

sigh.
besides that.
i have survived a year of being away from my
family and friends.
family and friends.
family and friends.
without whom life is difficult to get through.

most importantly, i survived being a mother.
but actually i shouldn't say i "survived" it
because sofia is the one reason that keeps me going through all of this.
and so i thank her and her dad. thank you.
thank you. my loves.

and i thank you, you who reads these posts of mine and looks at my pictures
and even find it in the least bit interesting.
thank you for being a witness to this, this tired existence i call my life.

but i digress.

i really just wanted to share this song with you:

what a joy it is to be alive
to get another chance, yeah
everyday's another chance
to get it right this time
everyday's another chance
oh what a merciful, merciful, merciful God
oh what a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful God

i gotta find peace of mind - lauryn hill

2010-12-30T15:02:00.005-05:00

merry christmas gifts to myself. yay!
i love etsy.

(this was a completely impulsive buy...
so i might have buyers remorse later like i always do..
i'll let you know if it works out.)

the description, which also sold me lol:
"The Bella"
Vintage '40s coat
Luxe royal blue wool holiday coat with gorgeous white buttons
from BohemianBisoux

i also finally bought postcards from jen causey...
but mad that someone bought the last ice cream cone postcard set!
i should've bought it before i went to lunch.
now it's gone. boo.

what did you gift yourself for christmas?
i'm sure i'm not the only one who does this... or am i?

2010-12-28T23:50:00.007-05:00

sofia getting ready

our guilty pleasure: white mana / "diner of the future" / 1939 world's fair building.

the burgers. it's like white castle, but better.

the snow finally came. all i can think about these days are food and comfort.
life is 2.5 times harder.
i say 2.5 because that's how many hours late i was to work this morning.
it really is difficult, all of it.
where do i begin.

my mantra for today was: "only the strong survive"
the PATH train station on grove st. was packed.
they had to shut down the turnstiles to control the amount of people
on the platform because trains were running on some "special" schedule
which required rerouting to hoboken.
so i waited for the wtc train instead.
it didn't come for a while. i ended up right by the edge of the platform.
which made me fear for my life, thinking to myself:
some one better not go berserk right now, because i could seriously fall off this edge.
i could feel the person behind me swaying.

at last the train came.
i took my time walking and trying not to slip into gray sludge.

i made it to work, eventually. had to stay til 7 though.

tomorrow will be better.

***
on another note

these pictures were shot a few weeks ago.
when i went all shutter happy.
i've picked up the cameras again for the holidays
and this time i bought some nice film.
i'm excited to see how they turn out.
i don't think i'll be able to develop them any time soon, though.
but... i've got tons of food pictures...
as if you guys don't see enough of those.

2010-12-24T10:43:00.003-05:00

H A P P Y H O L I D A Y S !

memoryhouse

2010-12-19T10:56:00.004-05:00

currently getting into this band. so weird how i am just now discovering music that's been in my itunes for a while now. sometimes it takes a few spins until my brain latches on. then i'm hooked. kind of like loading film in vintage cameras.

{ su m m e r }

2010-12-15T09:56:00.002-05:00

it's getting to be colder, though slowly.
& not like the usual 10 inches of snow that drops overnight in chicago
+ the single degree weather.
i am anticipating it. i feel as if i am prepared for it now.
but still, i am not looking forward to it.

found this roll of film i forgot to develop from this past midwest road trip.

i miss summer already

2010-12-12T19:47:00.006-05:00

my awesome friend {homegirl for life} karen took some photographs of our home when they spent a weekend here this past august. i was really surprised when she showed them to me because i had no idea she was documenting the place and it was a mess.. (as always).

but this is why i love her: she's amazing. her style is always fresh and she always has a different angle on things, both in life and her art. she can capture beauty and reality all at once. which is difficult since reality isn't always beautiful. but she's got something not many people have. she captures glimpses of time. her photographs draws you in and requires a meditative pause. and she does this all the time, each moment different from the other. she is thoughtful and she can make your heart swell. what can i say, i'm one lucky b. to have her in my life.

visit her journal. she captures the best bits of life.

she can take your portraits too :)

http://www.kveephotography.com/

{thanks homie g. you & i are gonna have some major tea + dessert time next month!}

2010-12-11T09:04:00.012-05:00

from a walk around the village and the rest of the roll of lomo film. i had to adjust these on photoshop just because i do not like it so red. i know the film is supposed to be red. but it hurts my eyes. i have 2 more rolls of this film, which i will use in our lomo cameras instead.

i've gone shutter happy the last couple of weeks and have developed 6 rolls of film already. this is insane, i know... and i kind of regret it, because i'd have 1 roll of film from a single day and it lacks variety. i should just stick to taking one picture of anything as the case is 90% of the time i end up liking the first picture i took anyway. so i've stopped taking pictures and gave the cameras a rest. plus we haven't gone anywhere else and most of it is at home.

i asked andrew if shooting film is as good for him as it was for me, because it is just too exhilarating for me. he makes fun of me now saying that i'm addicted and my love for taking pictures is comparable to having an orgasm. hahahah!! yes, we cracked up about this for a good half an hour.

so, is taking photographs as good for you as it is for me? :D

*edit*

here are the originals and other images i took with the lomo redscale film

2010-12-09T15:30:00.007-05:00

i caught "the radiant child" streaming on netflix, which is, coincidentally, also currently showing at the film forum downstairs from where i work. anyhow its the documentary on jean-michel basquiat. i've never heard of him til now and i found his artistic life intriguing. he started out as a street artist in new york around the 80s. from there he became famous in the art scene and even had ties with warhol. he overdosed on drugs at 27.
this a pretty succinct biography.

this painting sold for $6 million.

2010-12-09T04:02:00.002-05:00

insight, foresight, moresight.
the clock on the wall reads a quarter past midnight.

i have nothing much to say.
just here trying to ignore these
thoughts overlapping each
other, keeping me from rest.

Thanksgiving Day

2010-12-04T19:52:00.004-05:00

2010-11-26T14:50:00.007-05:00

happy thanksgiving internet friends.

we drove up to westchester, ny and had lunch with our immediate family. we're thankful for a new day and being alive and well. 3.5 hours was spent on the road so we stopped by the stateline looking out to new york. it was really beautiful and peaceful because we were the only ones there. the weather was drizzly and we took pictures while sofia jumped in piles of dead leaves. i took a chance with a newly acquired camera which batteries are hard to find for, and shot without a light meter. on top of which i am using this lomo film which allows you to set your iso between 50-200 to achieve either a desaturated look or the contrary. i am sort of confused about it. but we shall see if it turns out. the rest of the day was spent with the palumbo's. andrew and i have decided they should have their own reality show called, "joe & cherry plus 2... and bob dylan". (because katherine has a crazy do and she looks like him). it was pretty chill and we didn't over stuff ourselves.

now eating leftovers and watching tv all day in our pajamas.

anyhow these are some test shots i took with the minolta srt, which i have been having a love hate relationship with. i am thinking about getting rid of it, but every time i find someone on flickr who shoots with it, i get re-inspired. here are some of my favorite shots with it. the one's with * i had adjusted brightness/color in photoshop.

*

*

this book is by a flickr friend long lim, who shoots mainly with the srt. one of the reasons why i wanted to try out this camera. also this story made me want to eat an apple. hence, the apple.

2010-11-19T13:08:00.003-05:00

5 senses friday

tasting:

pancake bites. maple sausages wrapped in pancakes. tastes like corn dogs, but for breakfast.

hearing:

high places - from stardust to sentience

feeling:

peaceful

smelling:

honey & maple syrup

seeing:

reflections on windows and mirrors

2010-11-16T12:00:00.005-05:00

mornings with her

the last days of my vacation/weekend was spent waking up slow with the little one.

i let the cat's meow wake her up this time because i always feel bad doing it myself.

sometimes we make pancakes or walk to, yeah i hate to admit it, mcd's for hotcakes.

around the corner from there is a pet shop. there are three kittens at the window.
we go in to play with them. interesting enough, their names were: mike, vinny and ronnie.
of course.

one day i took her to the sitter so i could just watch netflix all day,
eat chicken salad on crisps and drink tea.

i actually really enjoyed my vacation after all.

2010-11-12T12:12:00.004-05:00

5 senses friday

seeing: through the lens

feeling: cold, but cozy

tasting: sushi

reading: my always currently reading pile

smelling: fall

2010-11-12T10:07:00.011-05:00

music finds and rediscoveries
day 3 of staycation

hearing: angus & julia stone playlist

i've been bored as of late. well, maybe not bored, more like being too busy to search for new music and other pleasant things to ~~distract~~ occupy my mind. rediscovered angus and julia stone on kcrw "mornings become eclectic". and i can't help but think, why do i listen to such achingly sad music... and admittedly so?
anyway, this one's great.

for the windy city:

so since its my vacation and was looking forward to chicago, i've been all sorts of nostalgic for life and the people there. i think it might have been why i've done the unthinkable. but hopefully this will keep us in touch, since at times it can be too hard or too busy to do even that.

[warning: hasty writing, bad grammar ahead. ]

onto what we did on the second day of my break. yes, i know this is completely self-indulgent, but what is a vacation for, but to indulge. and having said that, what is a blog for?

what to do for pleasure...

yesterday i spent the day with sofia. took the train to the city. she loves that. i asked her in the morning if she wants to go to new york, and her eyes lit up, she's smiling and said, "NEW YORK CITY!" so i said, "okay, new york it is." she loves riding the train and prefers to stand. she doesn't like sitting next to strangers. and inches closest to the edge of the seat near me as i'm standing in front of her. and no we don't bring strollers because it's more of a hassle bringing that up and down the subway. met up with andrew for lunch at the shake shack and had a "shack"ago hot dog. it came pretty close with the whole cucumber, peppers, onions, tomato... but the dog. no. definitely not chicago. the fries were good though. the burger was juicy and it's on a potato bun which makes it yummy. after that we were on the bus to go to the lower east side, but after a couple stops i notice the momofuku wall and realized we were steps from milk bar. had to scoop sofia up from her seat and got off that bus. this time i got only the birthday cake truffles. i swear whenever i eat that it always feels like its my birthday. one for me, one for sofi. we were eating that outside a bench. some guy passes by and says, "nom nom nom". sofi pauses and looks at me. she smiles and nods her head. "nom nom nom" she said, as she savoured that sweet ball of nomminess and swinging her legs back and forth.

got back on the bus. for some reason, only some stops let you pay at some machine before you board. you insert your card and it prints you a receipt. so you can show it to the driver if he asks, other wise you can just walk right in, like the lightrail. anyway, i figured ill get back on the bus and use the same receipt, since it valid for going the same way and expires in an hour. so to heck with it. the bus is coming anyway and i don't want to have to pay twice for the same bus ride. all i did was stop to pick up cake truffles for me and my baby girl, surely that's no sin. so i got on, showed the guy my crumpled receipt. looks over it he goes, "you know this ain't the stop for this." so i said, "i know, but we started walking and ended up here." he looks at me, rolls his eyes and said, "you can't be doing this next time..." yeah, okay.

we got off houston. crossed the street and ended up at the playground on 2nd ave. sofia climbed the ladders and went sliding down slides. meanwhile, this old lady kept yelling at some kid. while all the kids look at each other and to me, all wondering who the heck is she talking to. then she'll yell again, saying "not you, i'm not yelling at you, i'm yelling at him." still don't know who she's talking about or to whom she's talking. we shrug it off and continue with our climbing and sliding. there is a woman sitting up on one of them forts with the better slide which sofia doesn't bother to climb because she's up there. any how, she starts saying, "that's not nice... that's not nice. you think i over sell myself .....!?!." repeating it over and over again while her voice gradually climbs up to shouting. i thought she was yelling at her kid, who is smaller than sofi. i look up and see she's on her phone. gosh, seriously. she is sitting smack dab in the middle of a playground, wearing an all pink velour jogging/hoodie get up. she goes on and on, and finally hangs up the phone. she comes down with her pale white kid looking like dakota fanning starts running towards sofie and wanting to play with her. so she's following her kid and i'm like, "oh sofi, say hi." the lady looks at me, she goes, "sofie?" points to sofi, "my daughter's name is sofie too!" oh... yeah.. great.
so the rest of the playground experience was trying to divert ourselves from these two because her kid keeps following sofia but sofia ain't having none of that. and also we have way too much in common. just kidding. but, no really.
anyway i got tired of the playground, but she wanted to stay. but i said, we gotta go, its cold and i'm not about to stay out and wait for rush hour. luckily the F was right there, so i was able to get off the next stop to soho. i wanted to go to uniqlo. but damn, i forgot it was veterans day and people are everywhere. any way, i'm pretty sure it was a good day to teach sofia a lesson about not holding my hands as that she insists she will walk as she darn pleases. oh and those damn street carts keep attracting her. she'd stop and go, mmm and points to those halal carts. that really made me laugh a little. she didn't even know what she wanted from there, cause when i asked her she'd look and look but could only point to water as it's the only thing she recognizes. anyway we didn't get through the store, it was too crazy, so we immediately left the store and got on the N. it was the closest stop out of there. sort of got confused with this train ride and got off on 8th st. didn't realize the stop was on broadway and not close to the PATH at all. so luckily i realized this before walking up those steps carrying sofi. so we waited for the next N. got back on and got off on 33rd, which the sign clearly says transfers to PATH. yay. they make it easy. i thought it was 4:30 already, luckily the JSQ train was already there. got seats because it was the first stop. looking at this family across us with strollers. everyone else have their eyes closed. yeah, it's pretty tiring. i look at sofi and she is also sleeping. she slept right through even on our drive back home. we got home at 4:30. which is awesome when you think it's already 6.

anyway, now i'm waiting for a package. i found a sign on the front door saying there's a package for me, but they will come back and try again tomorrow. so here i am spending all my morning at home. as if it was a waste of my time. no, i'm not complaining at all.

and yay, it's friday. have a relaxing weekend! also, if you read all the way down here, it means you love me.

i heart you too <3

2010-11-10T08:51:00.005-05:00

day 1 of staycation:
listening to : aloe blacc playlist on youtube

so, i took the next 3 days off + the weekend. supposed to fly back to chicago, but tickets went up from $150 - $900 in like a day. but, its all good, i got the days off any how and it would be a lot more relaxing (after i clean this place up) to just stay home anyway. well, after i take this mental break and listen to this mix.

we've been really busy at work. for some reason, after i asked for the days off my desk just suddenly got stocked up by more work. wow, where did that come from? and how is this woman gonna give me 10 piles of paper to do in 1.5 hrs? she thought i wasn't gonna finish that by 5. 5:10 i'm out. on top of that, i was on a bidding war on ebay at 4:45. this is how i good i am with multi-tasking. what is wrong with me.. and what is this an, addiction? well, it sort of fills my thrifting hunger. anyway, i've sort of developed this thing for getting special things in the mail besides junk mail and bills. it's kind of like xmas morning to yourself when you find a little package waiting at the door with your name on it. what a sure sweet thing.

so this week, haven't decided what i'll be doing. maybe i'll go back to manhattan since the weather is looking to be in the upper 50s.

2010-11-09T13:26:00.005-05:00

2010-11-06T23:16:00.001-04:00

2010-11-04T11:57:00.003-04:00

Hello,

Lately I've been feeling like everything is piling up on top of the other. Papers, garbage, dishes, work, feelings, etc. etc. It sometimes makes it difficult to find beauty in anything. I feel like I am running out of things to photograph because I've been stuck on autopilot mode just to get through the days. Meanwhile everything is starting to look and feel the same. I have to admit though that looking through the lens has been a sort of escape. It feels really good also to find that you captured exactly what you wanted, and sometimes it gives you something even better than you hoped for. The last roll I developed turned out really bad. only 4 images was visible. It looked like someone had violently ripped the end off and some of the frames were cut halfway. It broke my heart at first, but I think the images that did come out, were surprisingly - magical.

2010-10-30T17:32:00.004-04:00

a week of sunsets

there was a whole week when the sun was setting right after i was able to pick up sofi. the moment lasts for a good 15 minutes. it feels slow at first and ends rather quickly. the colors change so much in these few minutes, and suddenly it is only darkness. it's getting darker and feeling much later than it really is. now, i only get to watch the sunset from the bus on the way to pick her up and by the time i get there, the sky is only a tint of blue. it is also 20 degrees colder now.

2010-10-28T15:37:00.005-04:00

so what are you going as for halloween?
sofi's going to be a dinosaur.
she's been practicing her "rawr".
speaking of which, do dinosaurs say "rawr"?
and how do we know this?
also, dinosaurs are dragons, no? or rather -
all dragons are dinosaurs, but not all dinosaurs are dragons.

2010-10-24T10:35:00.004-04:00

breakfast 5 days a week: tea + oatmeal

brooklyn diary. loved seeing tim harrington in this.

milk bar, cake truffle. oh my.

new francois payard bakery opened up near work.
so far i've tried a hazelnut cake roll and the almond croissant.
both are unforgettable.

i'm exhausted, though my life is pretty mundane. i can only entertain thoughts of excitement.
i find myself daydreaming a lot more lately and i feel really bugged when someone talks to me. i try to have me time at work and plug my ears with my headphones, although at times it really isn't playing anything. i only have one hour of lunch all to myself. people ask me to go to lunch with them, and not to be rude, but i've started bringing lunch just so i could enjoy a quiet moment. i always thought i would be better at socializing when i'm older, but i guess that will never change. perhaps it would be different if people didn't talk too much. i'm especially bothered by the girl who's jaw dropped because i was looking for a bookstore. she was in disbelief. she asked me, "a bookstore? for what?"
"to buy a book to read, duh."
"yeah, but why? that's too much work!"
ha. maybe if she read more, she wouldn't be talking so much hot air.
i guess this is why i'm drawn towards the bookish types. they're usually quiet and when they do speak, they actually have something interesting to say, or at least i imagine so. i for one try to be as boring as i can, but people seem to keep coming back to chat me up. ugh, fail.

2010-10-22T11:15:00.005-04:00

5 senses friday
(via abbytriesagain )

i recently discovered abby's blog, which is so inspiring! i thought this a great idea.

tasting:

whole wheat bagel with egg, cheese, and avocado

smelling:

lavender and wild flowers shea butter

seeing:

going to the park and watching the orange purple sunset with sofie everyday

hearing:

every time i go outside for a walk i play this song,
j'suis pas d'ici by thomas dutronc

feeling:

soft soaped

2010-10-19T21:11:00.004-04:00

This weekend seemed pretty eventful and by that I mean we got to do laundry Friday night and Sofia spent the night at her grandma's. Saturday morning I had to wait for a guy to come re-grout our bathroom tiles. It took him all day, even though he made it seem as if he was going to be done in 3 hours. Anyway I took advantage of it and cooked a couple of dishes, listened to records and watched most of 'Louie CK' on netflix. He's hilarious!

On the other hand Sofia had a fever that day, but I couldn't leave to pick her up because the guy grouting the bathroom was taking forever. I felt bad. Thankfully it lasted only for one day. She had the chills but her temperature was between 100 - 103F, so I wrapped her up and she went to bed early. She was able to sweat it out that night. The following morning she woke me up all giggling and shouting my name. We even went to the carnival and ate zeppoles.

(update on my camera issue: it's not a light leak, the marks are stretch marks from when i rewound the film all haphazardly and forced it too much. i'll be gentle from now on.)

2010-10-19T21:04:00.004-04:00

butternut squash soup with gorgonzola croutons
adapted from smitten kitchen

warm butternut and chickpea salad with tahini
from orangette

i actually didn't like it very much with the chickpea and onions.
but i did love the squash by itself.
however, andrew turned it into hummus. lol

2010-10-18T09:58:00.004-04:00

morning commute.

so i'm not going to pretend that i haven't been obsessing over this first world problem of mine with this camera. but i have come to a conclusion that i should at least change the battery and purchase myself a seal kit on ebay.

2010-10-17T21:31:00.002-04:00

so i found a spotmatic on craigslist for $35, but i paid $25. i'm quite proud of this. the first roll i took mostly outside (see previous posts). but this second roll i developed, i noticed these lines, or lightleaks. i am still in denial and blaming cvs for frockin up my pictures. but my heart feels heavy when i see these images because i know that the camera is most likely leaking light. please tell me it ain't so.

2010-10-12T11:13:00.003-04:00

my sister's little budding seed appears to be a boy.

hello, autumn.

2010-10-11T17:19:00.007-04:00

we would've named you Autumn, but you came in Summer instead.

it's been busy around here as usual, but we'll take any chance we can get
to enjoy the outdoors before all the pretty flowers and sunlight go away.

2010-10-09T01:05:00.003-04:00

2010-10-08T14:04:00.004-04:00

i miss these guys

2010-09-29T10:47:00.002-04:00

today i woke up and it felt like i was in college again
& it reminded me of mates of state.

2010-09-27T15:02:00.005-04:00

rainy monday mornings are only good for sleeping in...

because you do not want to deal with heavy traffic, subway signal failures,
and angry sardined passengers.

2010-09-22T12:20:00.003-04:00

"Rachel says that love is like a big black piano being pushed off the top of a three-story building and you're waiting on the bottom to catch it. But Lourdes says it's not that way at all. It's like a top, like all the colors in the world are spinning so fast they're not colors anymore and all that's left is a white hum.

There was a man, a crazy who lived upstairs from us when we lived on South Loomis. He couldn't talk, just walked around all day with his harmonica in his mouth. Didn't play it. Just sort of breathed through it, all day long, wheezing, in and out, in and out.

This is how it is with me. Love I mean."

— Sandra Cisneros (Woman Hollering Creek: And Other Stories)

sleepy time

2010-09-22T09:25:00.006-04:00

A: why are you going to sleep so early?
B: because it feels good.
A: but it's only 9:30. that's like 10 hours of sleep.
B. technically i fall asleep around 10:30, so more like 9 hours.
A. that's still a lot!
B: well, i'm making up for 2 years of lost sleep.

thoughts in my head.

2010-09-21T13:50:00.008-04:00

i've been in the mood to pamper myself lately. nothing extravagant like a spa day or anything, i just bought some "beauty products" from the drugstore. and let me tell you, exfoliating can make a huge difference. i feel "rejuvenated, with clarity and energy". maybe its the weather too, but nonetheless i feel less exhausted. OH! i just had a revelation. it's probably because sofia finally stopped waking up in the middle of the night. i hope i didn't just jinxed myself with this, but wow its been 2 years since i've had a full night's rest. this is why i have this new found energy to spend on myself.

this is all making sense now.

summer is almost over!

2010-09-07T00:11:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it's already September.
The last half of the year goes by way faster than the first half.
This 3-day weekend was perfect for recharging.
I can smell fall and the holidays in the coming months.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

choons

2010-09-07T00:00:00.006-04:00

Diggin' this song right now:

Also reminded me of this video:

midweek breakdown

2010-09-02T13:49:00.008-04:00

My friends road tripped here this past weekend and it already feels like it was such a long time ago. This week has been pretty long. It's been a week since Lola left for the Philippines and Sofia had to go back to daycare. Adrienne also gave birth to Leila on Tuesday. And it's been really hot which equals to a very irate me. I really wish fall would come soon and I wish for a weekend getaway to Boston or Baltimore or Philadelphia. I need to go somewhere. The only thing that keeps me sane are photographs and taking pictures. I was very annoyed at myself when I dropped the camera and exposed the film after taking pictures with/of my friends. And it's not very often I get to take pictures of people other than Sofia or Andrew or random strangers.

Andrew was mad that I used up all his Fuji Pro film. I feel half bad that I did, because I really like it, but I wish I would've taken better pictures with it.

*edit: I changed my layout to look like my old xanga page. It feels a bit more comfortable to me now.

choons

2010-08-31T15:29:00.009-04:00

ms. lauryn hill, finally!

we missed you too.
(pictures from brooklyn vegan)

now i understand.

feeling summer in nyc

2010-08-20T21:51:00.005-04:00

it was a town of red brick

2010-08-20T20:53:00.011-04:00

where one should hold a forget-me-not

2010-08-20T10:22:00.009-04:00

'
the crossroads of the world

is too overwhelming

radiolab

2010-08-12T11:25:00.006-04:00

I've been listening to Radiolab these past couple of days and I'd experience moments of revelation for every single episode. And I mean hair-rising, eyes opening wide, moments of stillness and silence in my mind. I'd feel at ease. I learn something new every time. Like how I used to feel when I went to school, except this happens right here, at work, one after another every 15 minutes or so. I go on autopilot at work, but my mind is completely somewhere else. I am able to be in two places at once, and I feel like I am cheating the system (whatever system that may be).

I just wanted to share this with you.

happy august

2010-08-03T16:22:00.007-04:00

This summer has been pretty eventful and it will continue to be until the end of this month.
On the days we're not having/going to a party or on the road to go somewhere, we go for an ice cream drive. If we're too broke for that, we make milkshakes at home and watch tons of movies on netflix.
I'm half glad summer will be over soon. Though it's meant for lazing about we instead feel pressure to do something because it's "summer" and it can be really tiring.
But it's been fun.

So far my summer list is almost complete:
- road trips
- swimming
- vacations
- bbq's
- visiting family
- doing touristy things in nyc
(ie: staten island ferry, time square, etc.)
- hot air balloons
- watching a summer blockbuster: Toy Story 3

& looking forward to:
- watch Inception
- sharon jones & the dap-kings + the budos band free at prospect park this sat.
- my friends visiting me on..
- my birthday weekend..
- go to Rock the Bells on Gov's Island ..
- & finally seeing Ms. Lauryn Hill perform.

Things Remembered

2010-07-30T11:19:00.006-04:00

via Things We Forget: #542

my friends & i did a lot of jumping off of cliffs in our day.

which reminds me...

karen & i were supposed to start a project like this a while back.
definitely one of the things we forgot.

such is life

2010-07-29T01:18:00.002-04:00

"it seems as though lately you think less than you used to.
and why should you think?
there's nothing to decide.
there's just walking forward."

The Hallway from The Hallway on Vimeo.

our subway themed birthday party fun!

2010-07-21T20:14:00.007-04:00

Sofia and Audrey celebrated their birthdays last Saturday! It was truly very nice and we were very glad to see all those who were able to come. So I guess I should begin by saying that we did a subway themed party, and by that I don't mean that sandwich shop, but the NYC MTA subway! We got the idea from the awesome designer Erin Jang of The Indigo Bunting. It's a really simple and easy DIY project and we loved all the colors and of course the font: Helvetica. So we took the theme and ran with it. It was also cheap and most of all fun to make!

We made hats & t-shirts and a banner

Red velvet cupcakes made by Alicia

Adrienne made the subway signs

Favors

& their painted frames

So I guess this project will be the first competed project of July!
More pics from the party here.

arts & crafts

2010-07-16T11:29:00.013-04:00

I've been feeling the need to do some arts 'n crafts. I finally found a Michael's near me so I'll be hitting that up. This morning I kept thinking, "an art project a month/week/day will keep the doldrums away." And so it's decided, I will start on projects and depending on how big the project is will try to complete at least one every month.

More pics from Pitts. Responsible for this need to be all crafts-y.

We'll see how this goes.

"Wildcard", indie handmade paper goods store

"everyone an artist"

"Society for Contemporary Crafts" gallery

quilt art work

Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes

2010-07-13T13:05:00.007-04:00

Been feeling bummed lately, but when I watched this it made me happy.
I especially loved the second song, "Home". Probably because, Jade (who looks like a fidgety waifish boy) has such a powerful voice. When she first opened her mouth I was so surprised!
Plus Alex Ebert is so good looking.